Ask Laura: "I keep waiting for him to initiate sex"
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My husband and I haven't had sex for over 3 months. Throughout our 5 year marriage, my husband always has been the one to initiate sex. How can I get him to start again? Do we need counseling? -Sexually Frustrated
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
What have the conversations between you and your husband been like about your lack of sex? I'm wondering if there are challenges around communication in sexual intimacy in your relationship. I'd encourage you to find time in a neutral space to open up a conversation about your sex life and what's been going on. You can start with "Can we take a few minutes to talk about our sex since it's been a little while?"
Have you tried initiating sex? If so, what happens? Sometimes in long-term relationships we can benefit from adding novelty into our lives. Perhaps buying new toys, new outfits, or trying new positions or having sex in a new space will allow you two to reconnect.
I'd recommend trying to navigate some of the questions together - and the problems may resolve themselves just from talking. If there are performance anxiety difficulties, self-esteem issues, or other barriers around intimacy - then attending sex therapy could be beneficial to have a safe space to unpack any intimacy barriers.
The most helpful thing you can do is start initiating conversations.... or sex,