My Partner Only Wants to Have Sex When They Are Drunk. Help!
There could be a variety of reasons why this is bothering you at this point. It could be that you feel there is a disconnect between you and your partner. Maybe you’ve recently started limiting your alcohol intake, and it’s only now that you are realizing your partner only seems to be in the mood when they are a little tipsy or intoxicated. What could this mean for your relationship? And what steps can you take to improve your sex life and intimacy?
What About Their Behavior is Bothering You?
Before we get to the reasons behind your partner only wanting to get close when they are under the influence, we should take a look at why it is bothering you?
When have you started to notice this trend? And what about it do you find upsetting? Could it be that you have certain assumptions regarding their attraction to you? It might be that you feel you’re only desirable when your partner is intoxicated and that they need to build up the ‘courage’ to connect with you on a sexual level. Ask yourself whether your beliefs around the topic are rational or emotionally driven. Are you placing too much emphasis on external validation?
It could also be that you are genuinely concerned about your partner’s inability to celebrate their body and intimacy in a sober state. Do you feel they might be struggling with something else that could be blocking their ability to be open and vulnerable? Asking yourself the ‘why’ questions could help with your self-awareness as well as compassion towards your partner.
What is Blocking the Connection?
Don’t be afraid to have a deep chat with your partner. Ask them if something has changed recently that has been influencing the way they feel about you, themselves or sex in general? Notice which type of connections they feel comfortable with and which seem to be off-limits. Are they currently feeling comfortable with their bodies, health or emotional state? Try to be understanding since there are so many factors that influence our sexual and hormonal well-being.
Apart from their connection with themselves and their sex drive, it’s also important to find ways for you to connect as a couple without the expectation of intimacy. Show them that you appreciate and love them for so much more than what their body has to offer. Deep connection and emotional intimacy can lead to individuals being more trusting and vulnerable with their partners.
The Benefits of Sober Sex
You are fully present. Even though you might think a few drinks will calm you down, it could take away some of the intimacy, especially if you won’t even remember it in the morning.
Although you might be more open to trying ‘wilder’ things in bed when intoxicated, alcohol does numb nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris. Chances are - you’ll have a much more pleasurable experience when sober.
Alcohol might increase your desire to have sex, but it always influences your ability to perform. Men might struggle to get it up and keep it hard, and science shows alcohol also influences the woman’s performance.
If you feel that there are underlying reasons for you or your partner not wanting to engage in sex when sober, it is encouraged to see a relationship therapist. It’s a safe environment to discuss concerns, issues, and expectations relating to your sexual health.