Best Tips for Enhancing Sexuality When You’re Overweight or Fat: Lubrication, Using Props, Positions & Scheduling Partnered or Solo Sex
Sex is awesome. Here are some tips to help enhance your sex life -
Why sex is important
Sex makes you feel connected to another person. It’s that intimacy that can make you feel stronger, safer, and of course, delivers a lot of pleasure.
During sex, a lot of chemicals are released into your body and brain. These can affect your mood, help you feel more relaxed, and even help to fight depression, anxiety, and other concerns.
“Some of the benefits you can get from sex include:
lowering blood pressure
burning calories
increasing heart health
strengthening muscles
reducing your risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension
increasing libido” - Healthline
Sex can improve your immune system and help you fight off illness.
Orgasm can help you sleep better. The chemicals released into your body help you rest and help you sleep more deeply.
Migraine and cluster headaches can actually be reduced or eliminated by having sex. As your body engages in sex, the chemicals in your system will make your headaches go away.
Healthline explains many benefits specifically for women from having sex:
“improve bladder control
reduce incontinence
relieve menstrual and premenstrual cramps
improve fertility
build stronger pelvic muscles
help produce more vaginal lubrication
potentially protect you against endometriosis, or the growing of tissue outside your uterus” - Ibid
If you’re overweight, having sex can actually make you healthier, stronger, and help you feel better.
The Emotional Benefits of Sex
Beyond the physical benefits of sex, there are a lot of emotional benefits.
Increased confidence, a stronger emotional life, and the peace of mind of intimacy can be life changing.
Sex in the context of a loving relationship is a powerful way to help one feel that the world is a better place. That someone is in love with you and finds you attractive can mean everything.
This might be even more important for those who are overweight. Society spends a lot of time telling you that you’re not good enough. With someone loving you enough to be intimate with you, it can help buffer some of those negative emotions and create a zone of emotional safety.
“In Lancaster, PA, as with everywhere else,” said Laura Morse, a Sex Therapist at Sun Point Wellness Center. “We have lots of folks who are overweight. Being obese doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a vibrant sex life. The mechanics might be a little different, but don’t let the joy of sex get away from you.”
Heavy Sex: Having Sex when Obese
Let’s state the obvious: You can have sex as an obese person. And you’re entitled to a healthy sex life.
There are some great ways to enjoy sex even more:
Lubricant
If you’re heavy, you have more skin. That means more friction.
Don’t be afraid to use lubricants to make the entire sexual experience more pleasurable. You can’t use too much.
The best lubes are natural and will be absorbed by your body. Look for lubricants that will last, but aren’t necessarily thick or will stick around too long.
The Wedge
If you look around, you’ll find lots of sex wedge pillows. These foam pillows are designed to help lift your body. In the missionary position, the wedge will help lift the buttocks, making it easier to make love. If you’re on your hands and knees, the wedge gives you something to lie against. This can help to reduce the movement to help gain access to better positions towards orgasm.
Experiment with different positions on the wedge. It keeps your body up and will make it easier to get into a satisfying position.
Wand Vibrator
Look for a clitoral vibrator that is long enough to allow the woman to reach past her belly. It doesn’t need to be one of those huge massagers at the drugstore. A smaller, handheld vibrator can be wonderful.
There are a lot of styles so choose the one that seems most appealing for you. You can get them made from soft silicone or hard plastic. They can be crafted in a penis shape or simply as a small vibrator on the end of a wand.
Other Spots
Many couples, even heterosexual couples, enjoy anal sex to different degrees. This can range from a simple anal plug to anal sex.
Talk to your partner about it if you’re interested in trying it. It can be a way to explore new pleasure points in your bodies together. Take the time to learn and read about it so you understand what to know and what matters.
Be Playful
Most of a great sex life isn’t about the act itself. Be playful.
Flirt in public.
Have date nights.
Give your partner gifts like flowers
Plan nights at hotels
Leave notes around to tell them how hot they are
If your partner is obese, they may need this type of activity even more. The world sends heavy people signals they aren’t worthy, they aren’t sexy, and they don’t deserve to be attractive. You can counteract this by letting them know how hot you think they are.
Assume the Position
What are the best positions for sex when you’re obese? Any position you can get into and enjoy is perfect.
Missionary
This classic position is just for people who are obese. If you’re both obese, you can try a variation, the Butterfly. The man will hold on to his partner’s ankles while standing up and having sex.
The wedge mentioned above is a great way to help get your butt off the mattress and give you both a better angle. You can also use a pillow, a blanket, or a towel.
Doggy Style
Sex from behind is a favorite for many women and men. It gives both partners a lot of depth and can be very exciting. This is also a great position if one or both partners are overweight.
Be sure to use lots of lube. Let loose and have fun.
The Couch
Having sex on the couch is a great way to make it easy for both partners to be in the right position. Either missionary or from behind, you can use the edge of the couch to great advantage. It’s often the right height for the man to kneel.
You can also use the arm of the couch as a cushion for the woman to lean over as you make love.
On Top
The woman can always be on top. This gives a lot of access to clitoral stimulation and puts her in control of the movement and speed.
For man, this letting go of control is a great turn on. You move and help, but she decides when you move and what you do.
Scheduling Time for Sex
Whether it’s with a partner or solo sex, you need to make time for sex and orgasm.
As we pointed out above, sex is good for your body and our brain. Taking the time for sex is vital.
Date Night
For parents, date night can save a marriage and make the relationship stronger. Get a babysitter, find some place to go for dinner or a drink, even rent a motel room for the night.
Be sure to create a regular schedule for having sex that gives both of you time to relax knowing that the kids are fine.
Vacation
Take time to go away, just the two of you (or by yourself).
As a couple, some time to be a couple again will remind you why you got together. Even if you don’t have children, time to walk around your hotel room naked, no work, no phones, no computers, will help you feel stronger as a team.
If you aren’t with someone at the moment, go some place and relax. If you’d like someone in your life, here’s a secret: Stop looking. Go wherever you want and have fun by yourself. Nothing is as sexy as someone who can handle being alone.
Saturday Night
It's nice to simply schedule your sex every week. This gives each of you something to look forward to. Even if you can’t get away from the house and the kids, you can lock the bedroom door and have a good time.
Solo Sex is Good
Masturbating is healthy. There are a lot of social mores against self-pleasure, and they’re all based on some misguided sense of morality.
Your body responds to touch, including your own. Your body releases the same endorphins and hormones are released by your body whether your partner gives you an orgasm or your partner does.
It can even be fun to masturbate together. You can learn a lot about your partner seeing how they pleasure themselves.
Overcoming Issues: Help in Lancaster, PA
If you’re struggling to reclaim your sex life, due to your weight, your partner’s weight, or any other reason, come see the team at Sun Point Wellness Center.
Our office is filled with trained and certified sex therapists and relationship experts.
Sometimes, your sexual struggles aren’t caused by your life now, but by traumas from your past. Using EMDR and other powerful therapies, we can help you get beyond the traumas of your past and help you find a new way of seeing the world.
100% confidential - There’s nothing you can bring to us that we can’t work through to create a plan to overcome.
If you’re in the Lancaster, PA, area, contact our team, and we’ll help you have the sex life you deserve!