How to Approach the Situation When Your Partner Wants a Threesome

How to Approach the Situation When Your Partner Wants a Threesome


As with any big decision in your relationship, it’s all about communication. Whether you’re in a marriage or partnership, a big part of your commitment is attending to each other’s needs. This could mean different things to different people. If your partner is suggesting a threesome, and you want to know how to respond to the situation, here are some tips:


Find Out Where You Stand


The most important thing to do is figure out how you feel about threesomes and sexual exploration. Don’t be afraid to be completely honest with yourself and make sure that you feel aligned.


At the end of the day it’s your body and your sexuality, so it’s important to feel comfortable and respected. Ask yourself whether it would scare you, make you feel insecure, damage your relationship or empower and excite you?


If you aren’t sure exactly how you’re feeling about threesomes or your sexuality, it’s a good idea to discuss this with your therapist or even as a couple in couples therapy.

Create a Plan

If you decide it’s something that you both want to explore, create a plan. This would include limitations as well as where and how you’ll find the additional partner. Discuss how you’ll handle possible uncomfortable moments and what actions or activities are off bounds.

What if it’s a no?

When you think three is a crowd, and you don’t want to engage in sexual activities try to find a compromise with your partner. Maybe you can spice up your sex life by adding role playing, toys or even just different positions to add some variety.

It could also help to ask your partner why he/she is so excited about the idea of having a threesome? Could something be lacking in the relationship, or what is their need or reasoning behind it? Maybe it’s just something basic that they want to resolve and they think taking sexual action could be the solution.

At the end of the day it’s about open communication, respecting each other’s boundaries and finding ways to love each other that make both parties feel comfortable.


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