Your Child Walked in While You Were Having Sex, Now What?

Yes, that one topic not many couples want to talk about. The dreaded moment when your kid walks in while you and your partner are doing the deed. Most of us cringe at this idea, but what if we just talked about sexuality as something natural that happened between loving adults to our children?

Whether this happened a day ago, last week or last month, let’s take a look at how we can make the best of this potential moment:

Don’t Make Up A Lie

We’re all aware of our gut feelings, and having a parent tell us they were just ‘wrestling’ will trigger the child’s suspicion and they will relate sex to secrets, which isn’t a great start. This is a defining moment in your child’s sex education, and it means that this could be a teaching moment. 

Don’t Assume What They Saw

After gaining some composure and gathering your thoughts, make sure not to assume what your child saw. Adding additional information could add to more confusion, depending on their age. 

Consider their Age

The age of your child or children could be an indicating factor of how to handle the situation. Very young kids might think you’re fighting or hurting one another, so it might be a good idea to explain that you’re both safe and comfortable (once you’re clothed and composed, of course). 

For older kids, you might explain that when adults love each other, they sometimes show it in a “special’ way. If you haven’t had the sex-talk with them before this incident, this could be an opportune time to determine what they know and how you can help educate them. 

Make it a Macro Lesson

Since we’ve established that this can be a learning opportunity, we can use it as a way to discuss morals and values as well. Explaining to them that sex is a universal act practiced by mommies and daddies all over the world. That could make it less scary and intimidating. 

Talk to them about sex being perfectly natural within the right context and with both parties giving consent. Explain how important it is that intimate interactions are consensual and that they, or the other person, always have the right to say no. 

Keep Your Bedroom Doors Locked, But Communication Open

Older children might not be too interested in talking about what they saw, but you can still give them the option by asking if they have any questions. With your pre-teens and teenagers, it’s very important to keep this line of communication open while they are reaching sexual maturity. You want them to be able to come to you with questions, concerns and overall emotional regulation. 

Privacy for all parties in the home is also very important. Although it could happen to any couple, it’s important to note that repeatedly exposing children to sexual behavior counts as child abuse. Try to lock your door during ‘private time’ or have an ‘always knock’ rule for everyone in the home. Note that having a lock on your bedroom door also teaches your children about boundaries and privacy. 

Quick Tips for Caregivers: 

• Invest in a good lock for your bedroom

• Use simple, easy-to-understand language that is age-appropriate

• Don’t act overly embarrassed or guilty - this could lead them to think that sex is shameful

• Give them time if they are uncomfortable

• Allow them to ask questions, even if you don’t feel confident about answering them

• Don’t over-explain or give too much information. 

Has this ever happened to you and your partner? Tell us in the comments how you managed to deal with the situation and what you learned from it.